Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Non-Divorce Divorce

The news had a segment this morning on a growing trend supposedly...the non-divorce relationship. It's a state of matrimony without benefits. I suppose the benefits for the kids would be keeping the one household. But I wonder what the relationship between the parents would be like? I am a little biased because I was previously married and our divorce was amicable. We never should of married, but at first I didn't want a divorce because I was scared to death to be a single parent. But when his benefits continued while I remained at home and carried the household while he carried on with his extra-curricular activities with another, I realized that the best thing for the baby - wasn't what we were living.

I grew up in a tense, argumentative environment. My mother also didn't want us kids to be without a father but we went through worse. He was an alcoholic and we often had to listen while they didn't argue in front of the kids...

I remarried and now I am in a loving, healthy marriage and we've had our problems, but we are older and more mature to realize what happens when you don't work for something you really want. What happens when one isn't willing to work for it? Marriage can be hard. It can also be easy, especially when you have someone to share the burdens with, but we can't make someone do something they don't want to.

I can't even begin to judge what others may be or may have dealt with in a bad marriage. Or what may be best for their family...as a parent I believe it is our adult responsibility to do what is best for our children. Whether it is to remain in a marriage or not...not my call. How is the relationship between the adult partners? Can you deal without anger, resentment towards a spouse who moves onto another relationship while still technically married? How do you handle interaction between each other...whether or not you think the kids can hear you? Cause they are alot more attentive and can see tension without it being obvious.

Oh well...just sounded like an interesting debate. There will be some that would never encourage divorce but others who have lived both sides and will argue for it. I chose divorce and think because of it we were better for it. It took some adjusting and work but we are actually better now for it. We've grown up and both really care about our child so we work together. I have forgiven him, but not forgotten. I moved on and worked on my own personal needs and future. It isn't affecting our child so I am fortunate. My marriage now is one I see as I grow old. I'm one of the lucky ones.

1 comment:

Chicki Brown said...

I understand what you're saying, Chelle. I've also been on both sides of the fence. Each situation is different, but I also believe children know when things are messed up between their parents, no matter how the parents try to cover it up. Sometimes that does more harm to the kids than a divorce.