Saturday, October 06, 2007

Mental Day

Things have been so chaotic around here lately that I've felt loopy...or lost. Ya know, when you have so many things to do but you don't know where to start...so ya don't. I get frustrated and sit back and procrastinate. Okay...too many big words in such a short space. Anyhoo ~ a friend knows what I'm dealing with and sent me an appropriate email. LOL! Enjoy...

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss , press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

6 comments:

Chicki said...

That was great! I 'm going to e-mail it to a couple of friends!

When I find myself procrastinating because I have so many things to do, I'll just pick one and do it. Usually completing that one task spurs me on to tackle the rest.

Jennifer Shirk said...

LOL! Thanks for the laugh!

Chelle Sandell said...

Thanks! I'm trying to get caught up on crits so a joke day was just what I needed!

tammy said...

LOL. I've had those kind of days. Don't they have a button for all of the above? ;-)

Theresa said...

I especially like the last one.
Been there, done that.
But I think I'm going to take Chicki's advice above and pick one thing and do it.

Chelle Sandell said...

I like the All of the Above option!! The short-term memory loss is definitely me!