He's outta here

We were standing in line at WalMart behind my mom (yes, it's a small town ~ my aunt was there too) stocking up on groceries because we are about to get slammed with another ice storm. My hubby gets a phone call. It was a job site in Houston telling him his plane leaves on the 20th. After a weeks worth of training and paperwork...he's gone to Iraq.

We have been expecting this for several months, but of course now that the plane ticket is on the way, I'm not so sure about this anymore. Two of his friends are over there and my uncle wants to go as well. My cousin was there in the Marine Corp. and I've talked with several of my crit group girls and they have family members in the military. My hubby will be there as a contractor supporting the military, welding armor on their tanks and Humvees and whatever else they may need. I've looked at support groups online and thought I was prepared.

But, last night as he helped with dinner and kids, I realized how close we are. Not that I hadn't noticed before. I had a gutter-rat ex and this marriage came when I least wanted or expected it. Now, in 1 yr, my 13 yr old's grades have dropped from A-B's to 2 D's and low B's. My 3 yr old screeched when Daddy left for a quick trip to corner store and kept saying..."He's not coming back!" We haven't talked much about this in front of them so where is this coming from? Am I just paranoid? We can do this...I can do this. I'm not fragile. Just ask my family. I was totally independent and raised oldest by myself for 6 yrs before I remarried. But for some reason, I'm scared. I am strong in my faith but bad things happen to believers all the time.

Maybe I can do some of my best writing now. It'll give me an outlet for all this emotion. But I don't want to smother my Hero's either...balance will be the struggle. Several of my crit partners have found wonderful workshops and many of the RWA groups will be having contests. I need to join my local writers group so I can go on brainstorming retreats.

My question to you...How far would you go to help your family succeed? I know what the money can do for us, how much better we will be financially. But the boys are at critical stages. Our marriage is good and strong...but what if something happens to him? Is the risk worth it? He argues that he could have a car wreck driving with the nuts on the commute into Oklahoma City. At least doing this, he'll make more money in a year than he would 3 years here.